The most common question I get as a Relationship Life Coach is, "When is it time to break up?" In this video, Dr. Carrie explains how to take a step back from your relationship and examine if their words and actions are congruent.
Are his actions matching his words? That is one of the biggest indicators of someone's lifelong habits, attitude, how they're gonna treat you in a relationship. In the beginning of a relationship, they should be on their best behavior. That's really where the true character of someone lies.
One of the most common questions I get as a relationship life coach is how do I know when to break up with him? And I usually follow up with this response. Are his actions matching his words? Now, this can go for men or women, it's the same thing. But honestly, that is one of the biggest indicators of someone's lifelong habits, attitude, how they're gonna treat you in a relationship. And it's really easy early on to overlook some of these things, because what you want to do is see the best in the person, which we do, especially when we first meet them.
You look for the good qualities, you look for the things that you like in them. But we tend to overlook sometimes when maybe they're saying something, but their actions aren't matching up with that. So that is the easiest way to take a step back in your relationship, whatever stage you're at, and say, are the actions matching the words? And I can tell you that this has been a challenge for me in relationships because I want to believe the best in people. I have a heart for people, and I want to give them endless grace and forgive them when they screw up.
But in the beginning of a relationship, they should be on their best behavior, okay? Especially if you just started dating three, six months ago, they should be on their best behavior. So if they are not acting on their best behavior, that's a red flag right there. And you want to be with someone who's wanting to put their best foot forward, because then that shows you what their character is long term, as far as if they're going to want to work on things when things get hard, because they always get hard in a relationship.
So I want to challenge you to think about that if you are, especially in a new relationship, take a step back and you might want to journal about this. You might want to maybe even just write down some bullet points about it as you meditate and think about this and journal about it, saying, like, what are some of the things this person is saying? And what are some of the things that they're doing? Are they matching? Are they saying, I love taking you on dates, I can't wait to meet up with you again?
Yet they haven't actually reached out to schedule anything with you for three weeks. That's one example. Are they saying, yeah, you know, I've been dealing with my ex and, like, I can't stand her or him, and they just keep popping up. But are they taking any actions to close that door in their life? So these are just some examples. There's so many here, but you really want to look at this in all facets of a person's personality, how they're showing up interacting with you, how they show up interacting with strangers, and how they show up interacting with their family and friends and including their workplace.
Like, what is their character? So that's when you're really going to get to see who someone truly is, when you start to really observe more their actions than listening to their words. Words are important, don't get me wrong, but they need to match, because that's really where the true character of someone lies. So I hope you guys found this helpful. Tune into my stuff on Cadre for more relationship advice from your relationship and trauma life coach, Dr. Carrie. Tuning out. Peace, guys.
