Holiday Anxiety’s Are Ramping!

Hi. Hello. Hello. Hello. Let me get comfy. Cozy. My name is Brittany Hagen. I am a Cadre. Collaborator. Collaborator. Nope. It's nine at night. Sorry. I'm, like, such a morning person. So it's so funny that I decided to do one at night. I just kind of wanted to switch it up. And I also have my kid pretending to sleep right now. We'll see if she stays asleep. I hope this all works out, because I did want to come on here and talk about the holidays. Let's give you my credentials first. Like I said, my name is Brittany.

I am very sober. 15 years sober. Like, the most sober. I have to remember everything. It's exhausting. I also am an army veteran. I am a host of a radio show. And so I have talked to a lot of people about a lot of things, and, oh, Happy Sunday, Shannon. And I really love what Cadre is kind of drumming up around the holidays for me. Because a lot of times with the holidays, I'm not like, besties with the holidays. I come from the cute way of saying it is a blended family, which means, like, a lot of weird things happen around the holidays.

I wasn't. I've never been close with my dad, so we didn't experience this, but my step family had that. Where are they coming? Where are they going? Are they going here? They're going there. And everybody brings their own weird stuff with that. And then, like, my stepdad would be angry around who's going where, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, like, I didn't even really realize this until I started digging into, like, the why of it all. But I don't really get excited about Christmas. I mean, I have, like, my things.

I like. I'm like a big Santa Bear collector. But I, for the most part, don't really. Christmas comes with a lot of weird stuff. So also, we grew up. Until my mom married my stepdad, we didn't have a lot of money, so it wasn't like, I mean, Christmas. I would get worried about who's. How we're gonna get this, how we're gonna get that. I still have a lot of anxiety around holidays now. I'm sure you do as well, because there's just so much pressure, expectations, comparison, nostalgia. Nostalgia. Or, like, even, like, the want for nostalgia.

Right? Like, I think that's sometimes a hard one. Like, the other day, we were talking about the Sisters. Sisters. That musical White Christmas. I'd never seen that movie. I didn't grow up in a household that watched old movies. That was not our vibe. I don't know why. It just wasn't. And so to me that was just a really corny thing which I kind of look back and laugh because I'm like. It defines who I am so much. Is I'm a household who didn't watch White Christmas. I don't know. Take that for what it is.

Let's talk about what the holidays actually feel like. And how we can set ourselves up for success before the chaos hits. Cause it's less than a week away now. I mean, the fun thing is a lot of us have three day weeks and I love that for work. But I have a big. Okay, I'm just gonna say it. I'm gonna speak to. The thing I'm really struggling with is this will be the first holiday I've ever had where I'm not with my daughter. So I have a three year old. I'm surprised she hasn't busted in here yet because I put her to.

She said she's sleeping, but she's like two rooms over. I have a three year old daughter, her name's Margo. I call her Gogo. And her and I do everything together. I split time with her with her and her dad. And that started in April. So this is the first holiday ever I'm gonna have not with Margot. And like I know it's just Thanksgiving and everything will be fine. I'm. Luckily her dad knew I was pretty upset about it all. So we're going to a movie on Wednesday night. We're gonna go to Zootopia too.

Because he knew that way they're going out of town, they're gonna go up north and be with his family. And I'm really struggling around that because I don't know a world where I'm not with my kid on a holiday. And my favorite thing about everything is Margo. My favorite thing being around family is around being around Margo. And so. And then there's this other big thing that happened with my close family member who lost her child. And we're gonna go to her house. I'm gonna go to her house. And so it's just gonna be a different kind of Thanksgiving.

So luckily for me, I did verbalize this to a close friend. And he's gonna come over and we're gonna all morning, we're gonna do something so out of the ordinary for me. And we're just gonna watch TV all morning for Thanksgiving because we're gonna do like the least Thanksgiving thing. We're gonna watch that I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. Like fake boot camp reality tv, just garbage. And we're not gonna eat any Thanksgiving food. And that's what we're gonna do until I go to my cousin Amanda's house.

So it's. Thanksgiving is going to be a hard one for me, and I think I am very thankful that I verbalize that to a good friend and we're going to do something different. I think that if I was somebody who drank, this would be a great time to drink. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean that for me, that would be not very productive. So. Yeah. So I'm going to struggle a little bit this Thanksgiving. And I already am struggling because like, even just. It's why I have probably. There's people on this app that are probably like, you haven't emailed me back.

Yeah, because I've been exclusively hanging out with my daughter when I wasn't doing work stuff. So kind of verbalizing why you're feeling that way, I think is really important. I think another thing that really throws me off is I'm such a routine girly. Some of my routines get to stay. They are doing a workout class that morning, so I can do that. The change in routine is hard for me. Even though, like, I'm like, oh, freedom. Actually, I'm not really good with freedom. I know a lot of my military friends will probably say the same thing, that in reality, I mean, we get excited about a day off, but I'm like, oh, that kind of keeps me anchored.

I kind of need to be anchored. I think also on top of it is people have a lot of emotional triggers like I just talked about, and then the financial pressure. Right. Especially nowadays. I mean, right now with food prices being where they're at post government shutdown, that was a hard time for a lot of people, especially veterans. Comparisons, we're always gonna compare. When everyone posts their videos and their pictures of a million little fun times together and all the turkeys and the hams, it's so hard because I know that people are also going with this.

Those are the same things as me. And, like, the human experience. And it's just why it's so powerful to say it, because then you'll find out that other people are also dealing with that. And it's pretty powerful. I think sometimes, too, the juxtaposition of being sad when you're supposed to be happy is a hard one. Thanksgiving, I mean, even in the name, be thankful, be thankful. Have your little Thanksgiving fit. But the reality of it is Sometimes in times where you're supposed to be super happy when you're not is really freaking hard.

When life already is feeling really heavy. Like, I've had a lot of loss this last month. To go into the holidays pretending like everything is amazing is just. It's just not. It's just not gonna happen this year. I think that it can be really powerful again to just verbalize. Like, this is not an easy time, and that might be enough. Sometimes me verbalizing, even, like, the me talking about not getting to be with my kiddo this year in the first holiday I've not been with my kiddo, sometimes that is enough of a powerful thing, is just verbalizing it, and it can help out at least, and it doesn't come out sideways.

And I can have. I can tell people that, and then they know it's not about them. If I'm quiet, because I'm rarely quiet. If you know me at all, I'm rarely quiet. I think that we talked about setting yourself up for success, and that's that customizing for this year. Not past you, not future you. And just because you're doing something different this year doesn't mean you're going to be doing something different next year. Next year I'll have Margot, and we're going to go, I don't know, to somebody's house and do something fun.

But this year, I'm a different person than I was last year, and I'm a different person than I will be next year. And recognizing what this person needs right now in this moment is very powerful. So customize your Thanksgiving. Mine's gonna be mostly watching reality TV with my friend. And I think we're gonna make banana bread. Like, protein banana bread. Don't ask. I found the recipe. It's gonna be awful. I know that every time I try to, like, bake healthy, it's re. Like, it's the reason that baking is so naughty.

It's supposed to be, but here we are. I'm gonna try. It'll be awful. It's fine. Again, success might look completely different depending on what season of life you're in. So for me, success is gonna be choosing who I'm around carefully, knowing that, like, I might cry, I might be sad, and that's okay. But not taking on too much. Not a lot of people invite me to their Thanksgiving. I don't want to be around a bunch of people I don't know because I don't think I'm gonna be my best friend, my best self.

And I don't really want to schmooze and hang out and all that fun stuff. I'm not really in the mood for all that this year. So that's how I'm going to set myself up for success, taking those expectations off the table. I mean, my cousin, who I'm going to hang out with, we have low expectations for the day. You know, I wrote this down. You say no to gatherings that feel draining and say yes to ones that feel comforting because that's where you're at in life. And again, recognize where you're at right now and figure that out.

And don't put any value on that. Having a picture perfect Thanksgiving compared to binge watching reality TV alone are with a friend. What's the difference? If it's a successful day or whatever you deem successful, don't put value on it. Like, maybe I won't get an Instagram post out of it. We all know I'm gonna get one another day anyways. It's fine. I don't care. And maybe I will get an Instagram post off it. Maybe me and my friend will, after 24 episodes of help I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here.

Maybe. What's worth posting. So again, I'm not going to lean into Thanksgiving this year. I'm going to lean into what I need in this moment. I have wrote down some ideas for anyone that's struggling as well. Making a micro plan. One comforting activity, one meal, one safe person to check in with. I thought that was kind of like helpful. Like, that's like a rough outline. It's like when I do these little Cadre things, I write up a, like a rough outline, have a rough outline ready for like, what your day is gonna be.

Lower the stakes. The holidays. One day. Your worth isn't measured by how festive you look. It could be a PJ day for you. I mean, honestly, Leggings. The answer is always leggings. Wear leggings, no one cares. You wear black leggings in a black sweatshirt. You look chic. You're fine. You're from New York. It's fine. You know, maybe, maybe have some calming things for you. Like I always like to make sure I have like tea and a bunch of bubble waters I like and maybe snackities. And I'm like an apple person lately.

And oh my God, I've been putting apples cut up in the air fryer with cinnamon. It's pretty good. And stay connected. Text somebody, be in contact with somebody. Let somebody know where you're at. I think that's really valuable, that accountability, especially if you are somebody like me who is also an alcoholic. It's not a cute look to get wine drunk on Thanksgiving when you've been sober or been working on sobriety. And by a cute look, I mean, like, it's. You're not going to love it, it's not going to be great, it's not going to be fun.

That's kind of been ruined for. For you. I mean, I've ruined it for myself because I, you know, I'm at a place where it wouldn't be. It wouldn't. It wouldn't have the same fun vibe that it maybe did at one point in my life. Again, give meaning to the day in your own way. Rest is valid. Peace is valid. Boredom is valid. Watching TV all day is valid. It's your holiday. Like, do what you want to do. Especially we so rarely and hopefully you're one of those people that has the day off. I mean, I know a lot of people don't.

And that's, like, heartbreaking to me is like, remember, this is your day. This is your day off. This is your time to recharge, fill the tank. And filling the tank could be puzzling, could be sleeping. God, we all need so much. We need to drink more water, we need to sleep more, and I guess eat a ton of protein. It could be disconnecting, it could be connecting, it could be driving, could be listening to music. Like I said, it could be napping all day. That sounds so good. Ah, just like, make the day disappear in, like, the best way.

Like a good nap. Honor where you're at. Honor what you want, honor what you need, and honor yourself for sure. And I know also, we're going to be having on Black Friday a really fun chat, and we're going to talk about kind of like Black Friday in general and how, you know, the same concept around the idea about the holidays and what they are and what they should be and the expectation. I think that'll be really fun. If you get a chance. Definitely pop in for that. I'm trying to double check. I think it's at 11am I wish I rode.

It's me and Carrie and we're going to. We're both sober queens. And 11. I think it's 11. But either way, come to our livestream. I'm so sorry. I'm a millennial. I'm so sorry. It was lovely talking to you again. Reach out, especially if you're gonna watch a bunch of reality TV on Thanksgiving. So it's your Thanksgiving? It's my Thanksgiving. Also, I'm obsessed with reality tv, so I hope you have a good one. You don't have to eat turkey.