Marigolde Grief Gathering

Hey, friends, it's Roshani Kavate from Marigold. Again, so happy to be here. I've been thinking a lot about, you know, last week, we talked about embracing anger when it comes to our grief journey. And today, I'm really feeling this idea of using this time that we're grieving to really invite pleasure and joyous. So the medicine of pleasure and joy during our grief journey. Again, when I talk to folks who are grieving, they tell me, you know, they don't have capacity for joy. They feel guilty. The sense of guilt and shame actually is one of the top things that people state when they say they're grieving, that they can't feel like they can, you know, laugh, that they can smile, that they can do something enjoyable for themselves.

There's this feeling that I am supposed to feel sad. I'm supposed to feel lonely. And I wanted to get curious around this topic of why do we feel so strongly that while we're grieving, that while we're experiencing loss, that there is no room for joy, that we should not feel any pleasure, and that any sense of joy or pleasure is somehow taking away from that experience of grief. And it's really important to think about, like, where. Where do we get these messages, right? Why the kind of binary that you can only be one or the other, and that to get towards joy and grief, you can only be in grief.

You can't. That it can't coexist. So I want to challenge that notion and think about, you know, what does it mean to practice joy during grief? You know, for me, that's really the only way to exist, is to feel all of life's experiences, right? That joy exists within grief. Love exists within grief. Longing, sadness, hope, all of that is part and parcel. So when grief comes into our bodies and into our lives, it's not one note, it's not the only dominant experience. And really, if you think about why we're grieving, it's really this longing for.

Longing for love, longing for belonging. So it comes from a place of desire. So why wouldn't we want to, you know, experience joy and pleasure? And if you really think about it, what really nourishes and soothes the body and the heart is pleasure. You know, and that's up to your definition, right? For some people, that's like dancing the night away. For some people, it's, you know, just like sitting with your dog, like soaking in the sunshine, petting your cat. It can be simple, simple notes of pleasure.

And this is really important to understand because our body, and from a somatic perspective, our nervous system is wired for, you know, to receive comfort, for that equilibrium, for stability and all those good hormones that really improve our mood and that support tissue healing and mental health healing. So this is actually how our bodies are designed from a chemical perspective, from a biological perspective, from, you know, so combining all of that neurobiology and our instinct, it's really important to foster moments that build, you know, connection and pleasure and what are some ways to do it.

And if any folks are here, I'd love to hear in the chat. How are you cultivating, you know, time for pleasure, time for rest, time for softness, time for joy while you're grieving. For me, a big one is humor. You know, especially with grief, there's so much, like, room for dark humor. I think that's how we can offer some levity, right? That recognition that even though there are things that are out of our control, things that seem just, you know, ridiculous, the turn of events, that we can just sort of step back and look at the kind of irony and just laugh at the circumstances, right?

Like, who hasn't had that experience where you're just like, wow, I can't believe all of this is happening. And it's almost just, like, comical the way the events are turning out. And I love watching, you know, stand up comedy. There's so many great stand up comics who really say it like it is, and it's such a great way to see the world that it's, you know, it's like things are messed up. You know, things don't make any sense. Things don't add up. And that kind of commentary can be really helpful to feel like we're not the only ones experiencing this, right, that we can sort of all have a laugh about it.

So I love watching stand up comedy. I love listening to comedy, like, you know, all sorts. And, yeah, that's a big source of comfort for me. Another one is food. Food is joy. Food is pleasure, right? Can't go wrong there. So eating your favorite foods, have a nice meal at home, cook for yourself, go to the market, get inspired. It's summertime. I'm so excited about all of the stone fruit, the tomatoes, peaches. I just go spend, like, you know, $15 on all the tomatoes I can get every color, every shape, heirloom, regular, all kinds, and then just make, like, a big platter of it and eat it all.

Look at the beauty. Take it in, right? Same with fruit. I love peach season and apricot season. I love stone fruit put them on the grill, put some honey, put some mint, and enjoy that. Maybe some ice cream. So all of these, like, little pleasures really give you that sense of someone's watching out for you, and it's you. You're taking care of yourself. And it's, you know, it's those, like, little moments of delight that is just a little bit of relief again. Like, there's not a lot of things we can change while we're grieving.

It's just we just have to go through the motions of it and embrace, you know, that really difficult experience. But by having these small moments of connection, it can really uplift our mood and can really broaden that there is more to life. Right? That connection that we are these human beings that have visceral human experience. So I want to leave you with an invitation. You know, think about what brings you joy, what is pleasurable to you, and make some time for yourself this weekend. And maybe it's cooking something.

Maybe it's watching something. Watch a video. I'm telling you, go on YouTube, watch a ten minute comedy video, right? And see what that feels like. To just laugh out loud, to not have shame, to not have guilt for one moment and see how that feels in your body. So I want to leave you with that. And happy grilling, happy eating. I will see you next week. Thank you so much again. My name is Roshni. I'm the co founder of Marigold, a grief wellness platform rooted in culture and rituals. I'll see you next time.