Roshani Cavate is the co founder of Marigold, a grief wellness platform. She says anger is an important manifestation of grief. Yesterday was boat, summer solstice, and also a very important day was world Refugee Day. on to this really important emotion and sensation," she says.
Roshani Cavate is the co founder of Marigold, a grief wellness platform. She says anger is an important manifestation of grief. Cavate asks: How do we safely express anger and turn it into living our values?
Yesterday was boat, summer solstice, and also a very important day was world Refugee Day. I think a piece of us is always lost. And how do we live with lost pieces of ourselves? So our community becomes really important.
Unprocessed anger can also show up as ailments in the physical aspect of how we process and navigate grief. "I think it's important to hold. on to this really important emotion and sensation," she says.
How is anger showing up for you in your relationships, in your home life or in your workplace? Anger is a great tool for me to channel what I want seen in the world. I wish there was more support for grief support and time off and bereavement care.
It's so hot outside, and even in my body, I'm just feeling this, like, heat. And also this week, a lot of anger is surfacing in my body. Yeah, I just feel like I'm noticing. It's just. Yeah, this feeling of, like, being upset, being angry. And we have such a bad reputation around anger. Hi, everyone. My name is Roshani Cavate. I'm the co founder of Marigold, and I want to talk about anger and grief. It's, you know, it's such an important emotion. We always talk about sadness and, like, feeling low.
But anger is such an important manifestation of grief. And it arises because, you know, we're thinking in our head, like, how could this have gone differently? How could we have done this better? It's really feeling that loss and the emotion in our body. You know, I'm just curious, like, where do you feel anger? What are you feeling angry about? We have so much discomfort in our culture about angry. People are constantly saying, you know, chill, let it go, don't worry about it. But yet our mind and our body are giving signals that something is not okay.
What we experienced, what we're witnessing is not okay. This is not how we want it to be. And yet there's this overwhelming feeling that we should just, you know, stuff it inside, not express it, not show it. And I really want to talk about. Yeah, like, channeling our anger. How do we put it into practice? How do we safely express it? How do we turn it into, you know, living our values? At Marigold, we are a grief wellness platform, and we talk about, you know, grief through the body and grief through the senses.
And it's really fascinating. When I feel anger, there's this, like, burning sensation. It shows up on my skin. I feel it in my stomach. Right. Like, a level of angstiness, not being able to sleep. There is a heat that. That's generated, and it's so easy to say, you know, thaw the anger, cool the anger, just even letting it go to not feel it. But what if we just stay with it for a while and tap into it to feel it? And I think at the root of anger is deep sadness, is the sense of, like, feeling. We don't have the world under our control.
Their circumstances are beyond our control. Right. We're all just trying to operate in a way where we feel safe and steady, but it really feels like we're not able to. And how do we find, you know, not always control, but a sense of steadiness, acceptance. And I found that there are, of course, so many things to be angry about. Even how I started this grief wellness platform was anger. As a nurse, my co founder, Rebecca and I, we have been on the front lines of seeing healthcare, you know, not really being a supportive space.
Like, people not getting the care they need, people who lose their jobs and don't have access to healthcare services, people being in debt, you know, racism in healthcare. All these, like, small things that affect people in very big ways, but these are also very big themes. So I was thinking about how my purpose came from a place of anger to witnessing, you know, families navigating loss and grief in the healthcare system, but not really having support. And them, you know, their feelings brushed to the sidelines.
Right. Oh, we have a comment here. Yeah. Like, honoring, you know, like, holding the loss. Like, we have a guess saying, yeah, when their nephew graduated, that they were upset because, you know, their family member who couldn't be there to see their grandson graduate. Yeah. Like, it's just all these life's momentous occasions that are not being witnessed. Right. It's also, like, a lot of really small things that we just take for granted that they'll be there for the birthday, they'll be there for the wedding, fishing trips, summer travel.
For me, that's huge. Like, summer is not about, like, big travel for me, but just, like, going to the beach and, like, little things and, you know, those moments where there's that, like, quietness and you're not doing anything grand. It's just lingering, hanging out. And when you can't have those special small moments, that can be, you know, that can be a lot. And it's a way our body saying, you know, what I'm experiencing, what I'm grieving, just is not okay. I want it to be different, but that doesn't mean that, you know, that it lasts forever.
Of course not. But I think it's really important to think about how do we sit with that anger and how do we process it. I find it interesting that there's so many people who have no education and grief and loss and have not even experienced a loss. I'm sure you could relate probably that people were probably saying, oh, it's okay, don't worry about it. You know, like, it's not okay. It's not okay at all. Like, we'll be fine, but it's not okay. And I just want you to feel that, you know, like, where do you feel it?
Where do you feel that? This is not okay. This is not how it's supposed to be. But you'll accept it one day eventually, but not today. And, you know, what is it that you want to change? What is it that you can change? So often we live in this world where we don't have a lot of control over what we can change. Yesterday was boat, summer solstice, and also a very important day was world Refugee Day. It was started by the UN to recognize people who have to, you know, leave their places of origin because of war, because of natural disaster, and have to enter a refugee status and lose their sense of home.
That brings up, I'm sure it's, you know, a very passionate topic for many of us. And I know personally, for me, I've witnessed my own family and many friends, and we're witnessing now is people losing their homes, and how do we find a new home? How do we find a new life? And we just have to operate in that sense of, you know, remaking ourselves constantly. And that can be exhausting, but that can also be an opportunity to reimagine, recreate something. But I think a piece of us is always lost. And how do we live with lost pieces of ourselves?
Like, where do we find them? Who do we find them in? Right? So our community becomes really important. So when I'm feeling angry, I usually share it with somebody who I know is not going to say, oh, let it go, don't worry about it, because acknowledgement is so, so, so important. You want someone else to mirror it for you. Right. I'm curious to know, like, how do you feel when you're feeling angry? Like what? I'm sure we want to, like, kind of just move our body and discharge that energy. Right?
I usually start, like, mopping, cleaning, dusting, just, like, trying to get my space in order. I just want to, like, you know, move my body. So maybe it's just, like, doing some air, gems, whatever it is. Like, how. How do you feel the energy and move the energy in your body? That's. I think that's really important, too, because unprocessed anger can also show up as ailments in the physical aspect of how we process and navigate grief. And I think it's important to hold. Hold on to this really important emotion and sensation and know that it's not permanent and that it's not a negative emotion.
I think that's really important. We're in a moment where there's this desire to find so much positivity in loss. And I think that's a great way to hold life's, you know, many adventures, misadventures. Of course, you can have gratitude and, you know, hold positivity. But I think it can't be only that, that we have to make space to really feel the sadness, to really feel the anger, and to find people who acknowledge our anger, who can tell us, yes, you're right, what you are feeling is exactly, you know, how you should be feeling.
This is valid. And that's so important to validate our inner compass of our emotional experience. And I think for a lot of people, we're told, you know, you can't feel this way, like, move on because it's inconvenient, because it's not socially acceptable. So I want to ask you, how is anger showing up for you, you know, in your relationships, in your home life, in your workplace, especially in a workplace, anger is not accepted at all. Right? We just have to accept what we're told, how things are done.
Yeah. And I find it really curious. I think it is important to be, you know, to channel that into making changes. But again, how do we express it? What words do you use and how do you show how you truly feel? One interesting aspect of anger, you know, I've been taking care of young kids all week, and they get angry so much. They find so much of the world to be just upsetting, and that's so great. You know, they have so many temper tantrums, and then it's, next minute they're laughing, smiling, you know, playing whatever.
They forget about it. But as adults, we hold on, we hold on, we hold on, we hold on until it's too much. And it's almost a way to silence ourselves, silence our voice, silence our emotions. And that is really interesting. Anger is so generative, yet we start to enter the space of, you know, really silencing, active, you know, shutting down of our voice. And I'm curious, how do you want to express, you know, through words, through your actions, through building community, change, even within your workplace, you know, how do you find solidarity?
How do you express, and I think it's a great way to bring people together to, you know, share what you would like, improved, what is not acceptable in your life, and, you know, make an effort to change that, because having our voices heard is so important. And I find that with grief, you actually start to notice how the way we live is like, I'm losing my words here. I think I'm just overwhelmed. This feeling of we find it. We find so many aspects of life after grief acceptable. A thing that I wish there was more support was, is, you know, grief support and time off and bereavement care.
That's something that's been on my mind. Just the kind of, you know, swift nature of people's expectations that you will jump back into life, that you'll be back working, producing. So how can we, you know, change that culture? And I think anger has been a great tool for me to channel what I want seen in the world. Change, to bring about softness, to bring about more vulnerability. We talked a lot about vulnerability, you know, two weeks ago. So I want to put an invitation out there, you know, to share your anger, voice it, even if you don't tell someone else.
You know, I know that can be not always comfortable, but just even within yourself, tell yourself what you're angry about, what is upsetting you, what is making you sad, and see how that feels. Well, thank you so much, everyone, for joining us. I'm so glad I was able to get this out of my chest and to share things that upset me. But deep down, I think that it's from a place of sadness and loss and know that at moments we may feel powerless, but that our voice is really strong, our intentions are strong, and we can make, you know, we can channel that anger into action.
There's a comment here about society tells us to keep moving forward and forget about your feelings. That's right. And I want to tell you, don't forget, remember, remember, remember. Remind yourself what you're feeling is real. And channel that. Share that with others and validate others when they tell you what they're feeling. So thank you so much for joining. We will see you next week. Bye.
