Marigolde Grief Gathering

Hey, everyone. Good morning. This is Roshni from Marigold. I've been thinking a lot about how to show up when you don't feel like it. You know, there's so many seasons to grief, and lately, I just feel like I'm hitting that slump. And a lot of people I'm working with also feel like, you know, just, like, not really feeling it. Things. This idea that things should feel, you know, hopeful. The summer's coming, people are out and about, but I see a lot of people just retreating inside, and there's so much guilt around, you know, just feeling like things don't feel bright and uplifting, and things are starting to feel hard again.

I love talking about the seasons of grief and, you know, really honoring that just because the world is out and moving and, you know, everyone's, like, out traveling, especially with the holidays coming. It can feel like we can be disconnected from it and feel that sense of guilt, like, why am I not able to move on? Why am I not able to, you know, participate in what people are thinking is, like, fun and parties and being present right for all those gatherings? So welcome. Good morning, everyone.

My name is Roshni Kavate. I'm the co founder of Marigold, a grief wellness platform. We are here to talk about grief and create spaces and moments for small and big conversations and to connect, you know, to grief through culture, rituals, and storytelling. So, like, this idea of, you know, how to show up for ourselves and for others, I think it's much easier. I don't know if you noticed this, that you can show up for others, right, for your kids, for work, for school, all the various commitments you have.

But when it's really the idea of, like, showing up for ourselves, what does that even mean? And it's something I've been asking myself, is I operate sometimes out of so much exhaustion, I do things that I don't want to do, and it can really feel like I'm giving to everyone else. And by the time, you know, there's, like, time for me, I'm just exhausted, and I don't want to show up for myself. So what. What. What is that? And I think it's the high expectations I have for myself is. And maybe you feel this way, too.

Let me know if you're here and joining us. Does it feel like there's not enough time for you, that you're not listening to your own body, your own mood, your own emotional ability, especially in the context of, you know, heading into the summer, the weather is warming up, and there's all these, like, invitations. And this week, there's a lot of people, like, high schoolers graduating college graduations. And it's interesting how when, you know, this culture and society is really picking up, that's when, you know, our grief peaks out.

Hey, speak wonder. Thanks for being here. And, yeah, please add in the comments if you, you know, how are you showing up for yourself even when it feels really hard? Something. I have my coffee here. Some point to take a sip of this as we ponder. For me, what I've noticed is, like, this ability to please other people first and put myself at the last, you know, the last. That's kind of what I've been feeling a lot like last year and this year is my need to, like, take care of everyone. And if I have time to squeeze in to, you know, taking care of myself and.

And I ask myself, like, why that need, you know, why can't. And. And the idea that even if I'm taking care of myself, that's seen as, like, bad or wrong. Because I think for a lot of us, we raised with this idea that you should always take care of others, other people first. Right. Like, we really value a culture of service, but what if we think about service as a way to really care for ourselves, serve our own feelings, but not in this, like, self centered way. Yeah. I'm so glad it's resonating that we're all recovering people pleasers, right?

And I think it's a fine balance between being a people pleaser and just being self centered. I think it's so important to show up for yourself and really prioritizing that. Do you notice, like, you feel resentful towards your family, even at work? And I start noticing, like, resentment is when I feel like I'm not valuing myself. It's not others. It's so easy to, like, snap at your partner or your kids, right? Like, I'm doing so much for you, but what are you doing for yourself? That's a great moment to pause and ask, well, how do I feel about myself?

Right? Like, instead of kind of thinking about how the world may be taking advantage of our, like, our attention, like, driving people, like, feeding people and taking care of family, and then you're just upset and angry and may have outbursts. And for me, when I'm resentful, like, I notice, like, my jaw feels really tight, my breath is pretty shallow, and I'm hangry a lot. Like, do you. Do you notice that, like, you just want to, like, you know, gorge on something and. Yeah, like, those are all small signs of your body saying that things are moving really fast and maybe we're not in touch with how we're feeling.

So some things that I have noticed that work for me, maybe this works for you, too. Is carving out time for yourself and really slowing down and listening. And when I think of self care, I don't mean, like, doing a lot of things for self care. It's just like sitting down, like, with your coffee, and just, like, getting really, really quiet. And I think our intuition can tell us a lot. And for me, self care is honing my ability to connect with my intuition. How does that land? Like, practicing intuition as a form of self care practice.

And, you know, it doesn't cost you anything, right? Like, how can we get in touch with intuition? For a lot of us, how we operate is going against our intuition, shutting our intuition down. You know, when you feel tired, we drink more coffee to keep going. Right. Oh, thank you. And so, like, what does it mean to strengthen your intuition? For me, that's just like, noticing how my body feels. I love journaling and just asking myself questions. Because who's asking you? Like, you know, how does this feel in your body?

Like, is this important? Why does it feel important? You know, what if you didn't do the thing you didn't want to do, like, how would that feel? So, you know, almost like being my own coach or therapist and asking myself, how do I feel about it, not what I should do or shouldn't do. I think this is very important because the should and shouldn't is really what kills our connection to our own intuition and another way to easily connect with our intuition. For me, it's the gut. It's all in the gut, right?

Like, we think. We say, like, think with your mind. You know, make decisions from, like, your brain, but really, you make decisions with. Because there's a lot of nerve endings in your gut. So it's really your gut. You know, you feel a feeling, like there's spaciousness, there's freedom, there's, like, an ease when you breathe. So, you know, start having a conversation with your gut. Like, how does it feel when you do want to do something or when you don't want to do something? And for grievers out there, this is really important, because a lot of us feel very disconnected from our gut, both physically, emotionally, and from our intuition.

So I think that's why we feel unmoored and untethered a lot. So one way to get really centered is connect with your intuition and really think about what is it that will help you in this moment. So, you know, it's great. There's so much great advice there. A lot of times like this can feel like giving advice, but at the end of the day, please listen to yourself and trust that what is coming up is true in that moment. I think for a lot of us, you know, there's this word that's super popular right now, the idea of gaslighting.

I'd love to talk more about this in the context of grief, but people feel like they can't trust their own intuition. Like we consistently tell ourselves, oh, no, no, no, it's not really that. Like, just, just, like, just do the other opposite thing. So I would really love to, like, explore that in the coming, um, lives. But for today, I want you to leave, um, I want to leave you with, you know, an invitation to strengthen your intuition. You know, notice how your, like, your people pleasing, you know, aspects come up so much and how that is a barrier to taking care of yourself.

And what does taking care of yourself mean to you? You. So thank you so much. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I know it's going to be so busy with all the holiday season and interacting with family and friends. And just remember, it's always okay to carve time for yourself, a quiet time. You can just, like, go to the bathroom and not open the door for, like, ten minutes. Put a timer on, you know, whatever it is you need to do to really set center. Take care of yourself and rooting for you. Thank you so much.

See you soon. Bye.