My friend died this week. Some reflections. As a man, as a friend, and as a human.
All right friends. It is Saturday. And, uh, it's a little warm here in the old, uh, Los Angeles. Area. But, uh, getting ready to, uh, go on with my band. In a short period. And, uh, at the same time, got a funeral. Tomorrow for a friend. Who died of brain cancer. And, um, he died on Wednesday. And is uh, his wife is Jewish and he kind of followed a lot of those. Precepts. And so it's important to have the service and have 'em buried right away. Um, but the title of today's. Today's uh, livestream is death.
Is for the living. And what exactly does that mean? Well, I was talking to my wife about something. And, um, you know, I was kind of having a question or a difference of opinion about something around the funeral. And I was like, well, should I talk to. His wife about this and my wife very brilliantly said. Funerals are for the living. They're not for the dead. And, uh, and then immediately, my answer was clear. And death is for the living. As well. I mean, mainly because when someone's dead, they're gone.
They've moved on. We don't know where to, but they've moved on. As far as we know. They don't come back. Some people. Believe that one person at least. Came back, but who knows? Right? So death is for the living. Right. And, and actually when. When my father died many years ago. I wrote a poem. Um, and, uh, I always like to write poems during intense. Experiences. And so I read a poem at his funeral. Um, but I ended the poem with. Death is for the living. That we may someday reach. Reached the conclusions that they leave us and the lessons.
That they teach. And so the whole idea being like, I walked with my friend. For 20 months. Hey people (laugh), it's like, I'm just. I'm uh, uh, nice to see everybody. Um, I walked with this friend. For 20 months, he got, he had a seizure. He got diagnosed with brain cancer, glioblastoma. And I just, I had the space in my life. In my heart. (affirmative) in my calendar that I could walk with him. And I, I did a lot, you know, we. Started a Wednesday meeting just for him. I took him to doctor's appointments.
I was with him when he rang the bell after his chemo. And he is gone. He's gone and, and, uh, in some ways it's very surreal in other ways, I'm. I'm very grateful because I watched him. Become a shell of who he was in a very short time, because. He was good. He was good. He was good. A year. Went by. He was still pretty good. Then almost 18 months went by and he was still doing okay. And then there was another tumor. And that was it. And it was incredible. And so like, I learned a lot. I learned a lot about how I.
Can show up, not just how to show up, but how I can show up for another human being. I learned a lot about unconditional love. I learned a lot about what it's like. To be with somebody. When he truly has no capacity. To take care of himself. You know, he became uh, non-verbal he lost, he lost a whole side of his. Body like his left side. Because the right part of his brain. Got shut down. And so the whole left side got shut down. And I helped him go to the bathroom. I helped. In things that, you know, were like, whoa, holy cow.
Okay, we're gonna do this. And so when I say death is for the living. Really the thing for me is it's like, God, if we're paying attention, if we're present. For the people in our lives when they're dying. They are teaching us so much. About the preciousness of life. You know, I, I, I get to play music tomorrow at the funeral service. We were working on the. On the songs yesterday and it's some beautiful songs. It's Stevie wonder. As, or, um, as always and hallelujah and ripple. By grateful dead.
And, um, but it's like what my wife said, I think is just so. Important, right? Like the funeral tomorrow is for the living. Zack's gone. Zack's moved into his transition and. He's doing or his Spirit's doing whatever it's supposed to do. And that is so powerful. Right, but it's kind of like, the message always seems to be. Live, you know, live and look at the areas of your life, where you might not be living. Where are you holding back? Where are you not as engaged? Where have you given up? What would you do if somebody told you you had one month to live?
And it's so easy to give that stuff. Lip service. But then it hits you and it's like, oh, this is real. And yet it's still could never be as real. As when it is the truth. But even still even still I'm stepping away. Pausing and looking at this experience. And asking myself, Zach and asking Zach, like, what. What do I need to learn here? What are the lessons I need to learn and it, and maybe it's not even a lesson. Maybe it. It's not something new. It's just reinforcing something. I knew, I know the preciousness.
Of our loved ones, because until Zach had these experiences, I didn't know what it was like. To sit with another human being. As he's trying to figure out how to tell his daughters. Daughters he's dying. You don't don't that's not. Small thing. That's the kinda shit. That's real. That puts everything else. In perspective. So it wasn't about me. It's not about me. It's not my experience per se. I have my sadness. I have my gratitude. Uh, I even have my sense of. Like, thank God. He went somewhat quickly.
Once I saw what it was doing to him. But death is for the living. It can only be for the living because we're all that's left. And if we. Miss out on the lessons. If we miss out on the opportunity to learn and grow. From what we see. It's like a small death. Unto itself. So wow, that got pretty intense. (laugh). Um, so I wish everybody a wonderful. Saturday, wherever you are. And you know what, maybe, even though it's. It's cliche as hell. Maybe as a result of this, you'll just hug somebody a little.
Tighter. Tell somebody you love them a little more. Or just do something that you stop doing or have wanted to do for a long time. And if that, if that. Is the result of this message. Then that's one more way that Zack's life. And death was not in vain.
