St. Croix Hospice: Sharing A Personal Story

Hi, everyone. Thank you for joining me today. I know it's been a little bit in the Cadre world, but I just wanted to join today and share something a little bit more personal and meaningful with all of you. My journey through grief after the passing of my brother, actually six years ago on Christmas. So this time of year, while it's filled with joy, it's very heavy for me and my family. But I wanted to be able to share how I struggled to fully grieve until about three years after my brother's death and how it's changed the way I experience the holidays.

But I also want to talk about how family, new traditions, and love has helped me heal. So it's very important that we embrace the people that we care about, especially during the holidays. My brother was about 25 when he lived in Colorado and actually passed away on Christmas Day. So Christmas Eve night, Christmas Day morning, is when my family actually found out that he passed away. So it's really important that we share our personal stories with individuals and how it impacts us, but we also don't let our personal grief journeys affect the way others might be sharing their own grief story as well.

My brother and I, we were pretty close, so it took me a little bit to understand, you know, how he passed and how that impacts me. And when he passed away, you know, it was sudden. We didn't know we weren't anticip, and we kind of go through the holidays very differently now than we would have when he was with us. At first, I didn't fully allow myself to grieve properly. I jumped right back into work. I didn't want to share that that loss was impacting me as much as it possibly was. It was like I couldn't find the space to even process everything, and the grief stayed just under that surface.

I didn't realize how much I needed to feel that loss until after a few years of when it hit me all at once. I moved out on my own. I was really kind of navigating life and everything that was happening and kind of just had him popping up in my mind every once in a while. And as I started to grieve that loss, I was really trying to look at the importance of the timeline, right? I was really trying to see, like, why am I grieving now? Why wasn't I grieving when everybody else was grieving that loss?

But it's really important that we recognize that grief doesn't have a timeline. It's going to come in waves. And sometimes it takes time to really catch up with us. And all the emotions that we have are pushed aside. So it's important that, you know, as we navigate even these upcoming holidays, that we're not just pushing those emotions aside, that we're really embracing them. After his passing, the holidays were very different for me and my family. The first year after he passed away, we didn't really understand or know if we wanted to even have Christmas.

We didn't know what that was going to look like. But we really tried to honor his life and everything surrounding that. It's really hard to get into the festive spirit knowing that he wasn't there. And so we really just tried to embrace those feelings that we were having. There was a lot of sadness mixed with the joy of being with family. Especially I had the younger siblings, and they didn't really understand why was Christmas different. So I realized that grief doesn't just fade away. It shapes us.

It shapes the way that we experience moments like the holidays. But over the years, I've really learned to cherish these family moments even more. Being with family, we've created new traditions to honor my brother. We light a candle. We have a specific candle that has a picture of him right on the outside of it. And we light that candle. We light that for his birthday, we light it for the passing of his death. We light it for any of our holidays that we are with our family. And so we have that candle, we light it.

So it's really important that we come up with these new traditions and we even will sit around the dinner table and share stories about him and hear his laugh and just think about those different things. So it's been a very healing moment for us to find new ways to come together as a family. And even while we're feeling his absence, the holidays are still tough. We still try to navigate, you know, what does this look like for us? What does this look like for our family? And so we. We experience this together.

We. We make this a time where we can remember and celebrate what we've had. And we also embrace all of our new memories that we can have together. So it's really important that we're embracing all those feelings, those emotions, everything that we're going through. So that's the biggest piece for me is when I am just sharing my personal story with you. I hope that you all can continue to share your personal stories during the holidays. Holidays are difficult for all of us. Whether it's first holiday or it's the sixth Hol.

You know, it's time is going to Shape us. The motions, the memories, the stories, all of that that we continue to share with one another is really what's going to embrace our grief journey. And it makes it very unique for each of us. I do want to read a little passage that really speaks to me when it comes to grief. Holidays. So this is called Holidays in Heaven. The holiday season is just not the same. A smile is missing when saying one name. For parents who've lost a daughter or son, nothing can bring back the delightful fun of watching them talk, laugh, or just run.

The memories are all what we do have now. We do go on. Only God knows how. A new year comes as midnight arrives. Are angels still a big part of our lives? If only we could trade the presents we receive for one more day with those whom we grieve. But nothing can bring back our beloved child, the one that laughed, cried, and often smiled. They are together in a much better place, watching us cry, touching our face. Although we miss them on holidays to share, be assured their loving presence fills the air at home, in church, at New York Times Square.

So celebrating the holidays are now hard to do. But always remember, they are thinking of you, too, wishing you happiness and showing their love not on this earth, but from heaven above. This was by Dan Bryle. He wrote this in memory of his daughter Jessica when she passed away and how it impacted the holidays. So it's really important that we, you know, really just need to reflect and look back at those memories that we have and how it impacts us in who we are today. Holidays are not easy. I do not expect the holidays to improve for anyone by any means, but it's just really important that we embrace the traditions that we have, the memories that we have, and that we can learn and continue to build and create new traditions, but surrounding our loved one as well.

We're not going to just forget about them or move on. It's just a way of moving forward, but still honoring them as if they were really there with us. So I really just wanted to, you know, thank you all for joining and, you know, hearing a little bit more about my story and, you know, what resonates with some of you who might be also struggling during this time of year or even, you know, maybe your loss occurred several years ago and how we all grieve at different points in time. The holidays can be hard, but they're also a chance for us to honor those we've lost and create those new memories.

So hold your loved ones close and take care of yourselves this holiday season. I hope you all have fantastic holidays with your loved ones, and I wish you all the very best. Take care.